He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
