Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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