I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
