I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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