singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
