six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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