you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
