I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Randomize
