Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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