I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
