I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
