I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
