Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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