I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
