Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
