I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
