went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
