wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
As shirtless as possible
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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