are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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