I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
