I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
