apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
