oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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