i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
