is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
