dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
