I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
