We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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