somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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