he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
