Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
