I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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