Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
