So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
