she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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