dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
