i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
