So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Randomize
