he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
