I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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