i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
