i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
