You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
