I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
