I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
