Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
not ubering you a puppy
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