Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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