Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
