Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
