So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
