idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
