porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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